April 1, 2013

The Walking Dead needs some new writers

Dear producers of The Walking Dead,

You have got to get a better writing staff.

[For those of you reading this not a producer, FYI there are WALKING DEAD SEASON THREE SPOILERS AHEAD]

Season Two obviously dragged on, but the first half of season three was showing us that all bets were off and that there will be high paced action.  It delivered a new dangerous setting, new characters, and even a new danger--other people.  

I should've known that when the second black guy in a row dies only to be replaced by a new black character, things were only going to get worse.  (And no, I definitely wasn't the only one who noticed that.)

I don't know what it is, but your minority and female character writing is hit or miss.  Michonne is still awesome, Carol has grown incredibly, Maggie is a solid part of the front line.  But what the hell did you think you could with Lori after you dragged on the love triangle through half that previous season like a roadkill stuck on the grill of a truck?  Of course you had to kill her off.  There was no redemption possible with a character as inconsistent as Lori.

And now you've gone and done the same thing to Andrea.  She got hypnotized by Governor dick and only in the second to last episode in the season does she realize that this dude has serious issues.  Oh my god, hasn't she figured out she's attracted to the crazies?  Forget the tanks full of heads or the locked up zombie daughter or the farming and entertainment of keeping walkers in a town you promised to protect or lying to you about attacking your friends... but you find a make-shift torture chair that Milton decided to show you and now suddenly you want to leave?  You couldn't trust the woman who saved your life multiple times when she told you that the place is shady?  This could've been a more captivating story of friends with different survival structures, but instead you made Andrea a confused symbol of whatever the hell the writer wanted to exemplify for 10 minutes of the episode.  I did not mourn her death because even in death, she needlessly hesitated over some bullshit!

My conclusion is not that you can't write female characters, you just don't know who to write conflicted characters well.  Ever.  Look at Rick's wavering in the second and third season, which is suppose to show how hard it is for him to be good.  NO IT'S NOT!  It's just when he thinks more than five seconds is when people die, but when he uses his conscious do things work out they way they should for his group.  Well, at least this season, but let's not talk about how you tried to present Shane as crazy in season two when he was just angry and adaptive to his environment.  

Did your writers not know what to do with all these new characters?  Why introduce the holed-up inmates if you end up killing ALL of them?  Why only have Tyreese for four episodes of the season?  Why wait until right before the finale to have us empathize with the Governor's henchmen?  Why develop Milton that late on as well?  Gah!  Too many whys that only distance me from the show and it's world, not make me any more interested.  

This finale definitely left me as a fan on a down note.  There was a lot of wasted potential, especially for those of us who actually read the goddamn comic.  Below I'm going to list everything that disappointed me, partly as a fan and partly as a writer.  
-Tyreese and Sasha were ridiculously under-utilized.  We need their moral sanity to balance the crazy Rick bought to the table.  Herschel is more spiritual, Tyreese is more practical.  More of him and Sasha.
-Even with the Governor surprising everyone, he cannot gun down twenty people by himself!  Especially when half of them have guns!  
-It was way too late to introduce the Carl rebellion subplot.  Should've done that episodes ago, even if it won't blow up until next season
-Am I really suppose to believe there were enough people who just decided to immigrate from Woodbury with the enemy they were told to avoid?
-HOLY CRAP YOU LEAD US TO BELIEVE SHIT WAS GOING DOWN AND WE ONLY GOT FIVE MINUTES OF ACTUAL CONFLICT?!?!?!?!

What a cop-out.  And now that Rick has even more people to be responsible for, how the hell are we going to start next season?  They're stuck in the jail with these children and old fogies to protect now?  Rick is suddenly just letting any old person into the group?  As much as Carl is on the path to being a murderous dick he has a point--you can't just trust people these days anymore.  So we're going to let half a town of strangers in a compound that you can't secure? And now others are going to think you're going to have open arms to accept them?  Word is going to fucking spread and you know it, you dumbasses.

I'm afraid next season, I may find myself not giving a shit.  I'll probably still watch it because it's zombies, and if zombies are involved I'm interested.  But I imagine instead of one in thousands, I'll be one in dozens.  Until you get some writers who can do something inspiring with this setting.  Because right now, you're story is begging for an actual story to tell.  

Sincerely

d20 Sapphire

P.S.  What would I write to save you?  Nuh-uh, no freebies.  Let's sign a contract and I'll give you some pointers.  The only tip you're getting is that if you haven't read World War Z already, you should and be ashamed that it took you this long.