T' bring some humor to me latest voyage with me favorite lass, Proptart, I'll be celebratin' talk like a pirate day while tellin' ye the tale of the night before, where me voyage home was almost stopped before I left port!
Yesterday I was celebratin' the marriage of a beauty I barely know t' a gent I never met. 'Twere some fine festivities with a good feast and a bounty of grog. At me table were a wench and her lad who had partaken in too many spirits throughout th' night. I thought nothin' of it. Those who wish t' sway like th' ocean while bein' a land lover are none of me concern.
While many lasses and lads were enjoyin' a jig or two, Proptart and I left our seats t' sign ye olde guestbook, and upon return see that Proptart's car keys (for land voyages) had been lost! A man on deck noticed the drunk lad took them before headin' to his Inn with his wench. Me, bein' a captain of me own destiny, was outraged. After spendin' what felt like a fortnight on steering through th' sea of drama, we found the Inn that the dirty scum were stayin', and with some help spoke to the wench (the scurvy-ridden thief of a man was layin' on his back, takin' a doze due t' th' bountiful ale at the feast) and pillaged their holdin's. We took only what we came for, th' car keys. With that, we set sail straight home, wonderin' when th' drunk thief will walk the plank upon findin' foes not so friendly.
I promise this tellin' is the short tellin'! There be more t' th' mayhem, but the sun would be settin' before I be finished!
'Twas a grand adventure I wish not t' sail through again.