April 2, 2009

Did you appreciate the gag?: Why I'm sticking to 3.5--A long analogy

Hope you all liked the April Fool's joke.  I'm sticking to 3.5 D&D thankyouverymuch.

I'm not saying that all the people who like D&D 4.0 have something wrong with them.  The Boyfriend seems to not sympathize with why I'm opposed to playing it.  But I figured I would share with you all an analogy that I told him last night that I feel explains my complaints completely.

Let's say there's a restaurant, a fairly good one too, called Chez Dragon.  I like Chez Dragon, and I go there a lot.  I especially love their fillet mignon.  I pay good money for it, but it's cooked to what I consider to be perfection.  Wrapped in bacon, served on a piece of lettuce looking very fancy.  I love that fillet mignon.  It gets to the point where that is the only thing I order, and I frequent there a lot.  Like once a week.  The waitstaff knows me, the managers know me, and every time I come in (sometimes bringing friends) the waiter just looks at me and goes "Fillet mignon right?" and I confirm with an excited "Yes!"  

Something happens and I'm not about to go to the restaurant for a month.  Long vacation from home or something.  During that month the management decides to make some changes, hoping to bring in more customers.  The old waitstaff is replaced by a new team, and they even get new cooks as well.  Chez Dragon looks the same on the outside, at least it has the same name, but things have changed.

While on vacation I hear about the change but I come back anyway, and take a look at the new menu.  Aha!  They still have fillet mignon on the menu.  I might as well try it.  I go and sit down, tell the new waiter I want the fillet mignon and wait.  

When the waiter comes out, I pick up my utensils in anticipation and  lick my lips.  The plate lands in front of me and I put my fork in...

a ground beef patty, wrapped in bacon, served on a piece of lettuce.

Obviously this is a mistake.  I call the waiter over.  I tell him that I have the wrong dish, this is a beef patty, I want a fillet mignon.

"But Ms. d20 Sapphire, that is the fillet mignon."

Excuse me?

I go back and forth with him.  This is ground beef.  This doesn't look like a steak at all.  I want a pieces of meat that is still together.  This isn't even worth the price I'm paying for it.  I could get a plain beef patty from McDonald's across the street for a twentieth of the price I'm paying at Chez Dragon.  I want my fillet mignon.  This is not fillet mignon.  The waiter continues to disagree with me vehemently, stating that this is the fillet and that other customers have not complained, so how could something be wrong with it.  I finally say that there is no way this is the right cut at all, it's just little pieces of cow in a patty shape, not a chunky of meaty, tender steak cooked to perfection that I love.

"But Ms. d20 Sapphire, it's from a cow.  It's the same kind of meat from the same kind of animal.  I don't see why you have an issue with you fillet."

This is where I get up, walk away from Chez Dragon without paying, and never return ever again.

That whole story is how I feel about D&D 4.0

1 comment:

  1. Psh. That's what you get for ordering filet mignon at a Chinese place.